As I sat down with my laptop, trying to write a letter for some official work, my 2 year old daughter kept hitting any key on the keyboard that she could reach on, and as I urged and scolded and many times made empty threats to actually beat her I realised that she had caught my bluff, I could not purposely harm her and she knew that. My other 4 year old daughter sits in her room oblivious to the fact that its past her bed time and she needs to sleep so she may be fresh for her coming day, and here I was thinking of all the chores that I had to do before finally hitting my bed and tomorrow and the day after.

 

​When did this all happen? I can’t exactly pin point when I “took control” of my life, its not when I became a mother I remember being exhausted before that as well. It’s not when I got married, for I remember running around with no time for myself before that as well, as I travel back through the slideshow of my past, university, college school, till the age my memory no linger takes me to, I remember running. Running from what I can’t remember but I remember running. The constant push to achieve one more goal, to surpass myself, be a good student, a competitive athlete, a fierce debater, look socially acceptable. and as my height grew so did my challenges and my obstacles and the expectations towards me, the studies got tougher, sports got more competitive and so did I, then came the age where all this was left behind and the only perimeter to judge me became the food that came out of my kitchen, once where sat hundreds admiring how fluent and fierce I spoke now there sat few admiring me for not muttering a word. Life becomes an hour glass, as the sand from the top part finally finishes somebody comes and turns the glass upside down. The never ending story of self or people pleasing keeps on going.

​Why cannot we be like children with no worries, why does my daughter has a firm belief that nothing bad can happen to her, why does my daughter not worries for her future,? It is because they believe in me, the know I will take care of them, then why can’t I have that faith on my God, why do I always need to know where the road will lead to, now I know when I lost my childhood, it was when my trust in God was taken over by my urge to please OTHERS, to prove myself better, the world keeps on demanding and when you meet one demand you are met with another one, only Allah tells you to stay as you are. When I believe that nothing bad can happen to me while my God looks over me only then I can have the peace and tranquillity of my 2 year old. When I stop worrying for tomorrow knowing my Allah will take care of everything only then can I enjoy my present as my four year old, I have now realized that if you want to learn to live the answer is not within books or biographies of successful people it lies within children, for the ultimate goal of life is to be happy, and nobody can be more happier then a child.